I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
