There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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