he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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