he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
