Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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