dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
