I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
