I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
