You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love you. Go after that dick
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
