they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
