I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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