I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
