white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
