I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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