Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
