There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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