New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this will be a night to untag.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's shark week go big or go home
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
