this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
