So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
