Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
