it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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