Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
