Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
