I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
