not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so let's talk penis.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
