She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
