if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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