i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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