He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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