fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
