I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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