i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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