When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
