he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Who died my cat blue again?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
