: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
