He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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