Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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