just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
