Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
