Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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