Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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