Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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