highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
