yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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