Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
