How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
