Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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