i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
