Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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