Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
