Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
