I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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