so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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