Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
