i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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