I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Someone came in the potted fern
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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