I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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