I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
