i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
