zippers are such a cool invention
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
