the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
