take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
