Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
