But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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