Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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