I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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