I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
