I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize