Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
