you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
