My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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