but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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